The "Deal Breaker" Test.
By popular demand, i am posting a test that I created (and is still in its modification stages) called The Deal Breaker Test. Let's first talk about its inception... i was confronted by many of my less romantically deprived girl friends about how you KNOW when a relationship you are having is a "good one" or when it is time to "end it". In trying to sort out this age old question we stumpled upon the notion of a "deal breaker". I believe this concept is inherent within all gender communities and is easily defined as: the personality aspect or relationship aspect (hypothetical at times - but usually brought forth through previous experience) that forces one to question the "compatibility" of the person you are having a relationship with. If this "deal breaker" becomes evident in our relationship ~ our first notion is often to stop having the realtionship or to question the potency of the "deal breaker" itself. I believe that the "Deal Breaker" (and there are in fact many more than just one) when quantified can lead us to make accurate conclusions about whether to keep or 'get rid' of a relationship we are having. I formulated the following test in order to work through all the multi-facedness that comes with a relationship in order for us to quantify whether a relationship is one we should stick with or move on from. So far, my sample size is SMALL (about 4 or 5 , 20 something heterosexual females - both heading towards marriage, long-term committment, or just sorting it all out). I hope to increase this sample size - so please (if you are in a relationship) please try this test out and give me your comments...even the less romantically inclined have valuable information to contribute - although the test may not work to the best of its abilities - so please comment...
Without furter adue here is the Deal Breaker Test: (please follow in its precise steps and be HONEST - go with your FIRST instinct - and yes i do worship the ground Freud walked on.)
#1: List 5 Deal Breakers that you have - from the top of your head (DO NOT read to the end of this blog - as there are examples - just go with your first instinct). Remember - these do not have to have ANYTHING to do with the things you hate about the relationship you are in presently - they are simply things that would make you question ANY relationship with ANY person. Write all five of these down.
#2: Now place each deal breaker in a five-point scale. Define each number in the scale - 1 being the best example of a person who would not have the 'deal breaking' issue and 5 being the person who does display it - in such a way that you would question the relationship. I will give an example given to me by one of the test subjects: (the Deal Breaker was: not loving or compassionate. For her #1 was defined as: someone who is romantic, spontaneous and sweeps her off her feet. #2 was: someone who remembers special occassions and does nice things - spontaneous sometimes. #3 was: someone who does not forget her birthday, but otherwise needs reminding to be romantic and spontaneous. #4 was: only romantic and spontaneous when he is reminded. #5 was: not romantic at all - a nice evening together is watching TV.) **remember the scale will be different for each person - as will the definition of the 'deal breaker'.
#3: Now, go through all five of the Deal Breaker scales and score your current partner along the continumn.
#4: Calculate the number of points that your partner has in total (ie: scored 3 at #1, 2 at #2, 4 at #3, 1 at #4, & 3 at #5 would equal = 13.)
#5: The final step involves comparing your partner's score with the following guide:
1-10: If your partner scores within this range - it is important to remember that what we "think" we want is not always what we ACTUALLY want. If your partner scored within this range - it is possible you have found someone who ascribes to all that you "think" you want and will not challange you in the way you NEED. This may call for a re-thinking of the relationship and whether you will easily become bored with this person.
10 - 15: This is the PERFECT place for your relationship to be. People will naturally disappoint you at times and this will lead you to a better understanding of yourself and how someone else views the world. Ofcourse -their are limitations to this - particularly if the Deal Breakers scored high were higher in potency - this will be up to the individual to deside.
15-25: You need to get out of this relationship. It is possible you are in a relationship to simply not be by yourself and you are not being honest with your needs and desires.
ok - well thats it - i hope this helps those who are involved in relationship crises...please let me know your thoughts. For those of you who are interested in some deal breakers that have come up in my use of this test they are (remember only from heterosexual females in relationships): lack of humor, BAD SEX, lack of fidelity, lack of adeventurusness, lack of intelligence, etc.
so what do you think?
am i ready to be a cosmo shrink?
Without furter adue here is the Deal Breaker Test: (please follow in its precise steps and be HONEST - go with your FIRST instinct - and yes i do worship the ground Freud walked on.)
#1: List 5 Deal Breakers that you have - from the top of your head (DO NOT read to the end of this blog - as there are examples - just go with your first instinct). Remember - these do not have to have ANYTHING to do with the things you hate about the relationship you are in presently - they are simply things that would make you question ANY relationship with ANY person. Write all five of these down.
#2: Now place each deal breaker in a five-point scale. Define each number in the scale - 1 being the best example of a person who would not have the 'deal breaking' issue and 5 being the person who does display it - in such a way that you would question the relationship. I will give an example given to me by one of the test subjects: (the Deal Breaker was: not loving or compassionate. For her #1 was defined as: someone who is romantic, spontaneous and sweeps her off her feet. #2 was: someone who remembers special occassions and does nice things - spontaneous sometimes. #3 was: someone who does not forget her birthday, but otherwise needs reminding to be romantic and spontaneous. #4 was: only romantic and spontaneous when he is reminded. #5 was: not romantic at all - a nice evening together is watching TV.) **remember the scale will be different for each person - as will the definition of the 'deal breaker'.
#3: Now, go through all five of the Deal Breaker scales and score your current partner along the continumn.
#4: Calculate the number of points that your partner has in total (ie: scored 3 at #1, 2 at #2, 4 at #3, 1 at #4, & 3 at #5 would equal = 13.)
#5: The final step involves comparing your partner's score with the following guide:
1-10: If your partner scores within this range - it is important to remember that what we "think" we want is not always what we ACTUALLY want. If your partner scored within this range - it is possible you have found someone who ascribes to all that you "think" you want and will not challange you in the way you NEED. This may call for a re-thinking of the relationship and whether you will easily become bored with this person.
10 - 15: This is the PERFECT place for your relationship to be. People will naturally disappoint you at times and this will lead you to a better understanding of yourself and how someone else views the world. Ofcourse -their are limitations to this - particularly if the Deal Breakers scored high were higher in potency - this will be up to the individual to deside.
15-25: You need to get out of this relationship. It is possible you are in a relationship to simply not be by yourself and you are not being honest with your needs and desires.
ok - well thats it - i hope this helps those who are involved in relationship crises...please let me know your thoughts. For those of you who are interested in some deal breakers that have come up in my use of this test they are (remember only from heterosexual females in relationships): lack of humor, BAD SEX, lack of fidelity, lack of adeventurusness, lack of intelligence, etc.
so what do you think?
am i ready to be a cosmo shrink?
posted by blogging it out at 10:08 AM
3 Comments:
INFINITELY better than COSMO! I'm more of a qualitative gal, but I do give in to the odd quiz or hundred now and again. The last? "How much fun are you?" (courtesy of the April issue of Cosmo). Seems I'm a "good-time girl." Hm. Your test outshone it - and the infinite others I've done - by leaps and bounds...
oh, and for the sake of science, it seems my relationship is doing just fine. Thanks, doc!
Hmmm... it seems like Kamal and I should break up... I guess I saw that coming. Ha!
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