you have not been invited.
everything happens for a reason right?
well what the hell reason would there be for being perpetually trapped?
and we will go back to my prior question...am i addicted to nostalgia? is this why things like this happen to me? is this what i am supposed to learn? cuz i just dont get it.
have you ever felt like life decided for you what you do? like everyday was mapped out before you started it? like any decision you make was already someone elses plan for you? i dont want to get spiritual here - but thats what i'm feeling lately - like i have no conscious impact on my world. maybe that's because i am just waiting for things to happen to me. lately those things dont seem to be so good. maybe having you there -constantly in my life (in my apartment, on my street, screaming from my balcony) without an invitation reminds me I DECIDE what i do. and if this is the case... I NEED to make some decisions FAST before fate makes my decisions for me...
thats the goal...decision making...im on the cusp of something here - its not an addiction to nostalgia - i just realized that the past comes back to you if you stop making decisions aboutt he future..if you stay still long enough the past will come back uninvited. and thats how i know i am not addicted to nostalgia - because this time (THIS TIME) i did not invite you to my party.
decision: "a choice or judgement made about something. 2. the act of making up one's mind. 3. the ability to make quick and definite decisions. 4. to influence the outcome of (a contest)decisively." Collins Concise Dictionary.
now all i have to do is find the question....
what and whom do i want to invite?
well what the hell reason would there be for being perpetually trapped?
and we will go back to my prior question...am i addicted to nostalgia? is this why things like this happen to me? is this what i am supposed to learn? cuz i just dont get it.
have you ever felt like life decided for you what you do? like everyday was mapped out before you started it? like any decision you make was already someone elses plan for you? i dont want to get spiritual here - but thats what i'm feeling lately - like i have no conscious impact on my world. maybe that's because i am just waiting for things to happen to me. lately those things dont seem to be so good. maybe having you there -constantly in my life (in my apartment, on my street, screaming from my balcony) without an invitation reminds me I DECIDE what i do. and if this is the case... I NEED to make some decisions FAST before fate makes my decisions for me...
thats the goal...decision making...im on the cusp of something here - its not an addiction to nostalgia - i just realized that the past comes back to you if you stop making decisions aboutt he future..if you stay still long enough the past will come back uninvited. and thats how i know i am not addicted to nostalgia - because this time (THIS TIME) i did not invite you to my party.
decision: "a choice or judgement made about something. 2. the act of making up one's mind. 3. the ability to make quick and definite decisions. 4. to influence the outcome of (a contest)decisively." Collins Concise Dictionary.
now all i have to do is find the question....
what and whom do i want to invite?
posted by blogging it out at 12:24 PM
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