what are friends for?
i feel i have learned many things from my job. in fact, i often say that the children i work with teach me more than i could ever hope they could learn from me. one important lesson they have taught me is about friendship.
friends in residential treatment are important commodities.
even if your plagued by complex mental health issues and have a hard time relating to anyone, and particularly -trusting anyone - due to the abundance of horrors that people have been inflicted upon u - friends are your life persevere. friends in residential treatment are loyal, they stand up for you (even when they know your wrong), they lie for you, they keep your secrets, they hide your drugs, they fight for you, they follow you into dangerous parts of the city, they will be your partner's in crime forsaking their own treatment goals and safety. above all else, they are loyal to you. loyalty is a big thing in residential treatment - in fact, in a place where things seem so lost, when it seems that your biological supports have left your behind in a place where you are considered 'the problem' - it may be the most important thing you can have.
if you know me. you know i love metaphor. and i often equate residential treatment to a war - a battle field where each soldier has a story of trauma, abuse, and maltreatment (stories that would often make you cringe with their horror). Now, each soldier keeps fighting - often to onlookers its amazing that they do (some have very obvious wounds - limbs and important internal organs broken and battered). no matter what the cost and how many times they are disappointed in the fight they keep at it. today, in a meeting i watched my soldiers fighting from a window (sometimes each other - sometimes the often confused onlookers and the rest of the military on site). i watched as they assembled themselves into an army to riot and overthrow who they saw as their captors all for the loyalty of one soldier. they fought and fought and fought...until one got taken away on a stretcher. later, when the other soldiers were asked why they had been fighting they simply stated "because he needed us to". no more complex. just that - because he needed them. thats lotalty.
now in my own life i think about friends i have, about loyalties for whom i would fight for in my own soldier way just because "they needed me to" no other explanation - no further commentary. i think that there are many - at least i like to think that way. perhaps, what is most important is that in residential treatment i never see, no matter how complex the mental health, no matter how traumatic the abuse, the stories of loss and feelings of loneliness and abandonment do i ever see a young person fighting alone. its almost a code of ethic - perhaps something that we are ingrained with - no one fights alone. it truly is an amazing thing to see - a group of teenagers who make up the margins of society but still live by the same rules of high school - never let someone fight it out alone.
in my life i fight all the time - its what im trained to do - i have my arsenal, i am armed and ready to use it when the need arises. i like being useful i am very loyal....
recently, however, i have found myself on the sidelines. not because of my own choosing but because i feel i have been asked to stand there. because i am loyal i am - standing. but it feels wrong - against nature if you will. i have been standing and watching my very special soldier in my own life fight a battle - an army of one. now mostly this battle is an inner one - but i am equipped to help with this battle - if only in mere cheerleading presence.
i am watching this soldier fight - mostly i am loyal and i would jump in at any moment (rip off the cheerleading outfit and grab my AK) to brave the odds. but i have been asked (in more ways than verbal) to simply watch and wait - no cheerleading - nothing. this hurts me. and i am trying to figure out why. i realize that i am not so self-important that this soldier NEEDS to have me help or that this soldier will not triumph on his own - but i am upset about the request to keep my tools away - to simply watch and wait. i wonder why i have been asked to watch - only watch only wait. i worry that my arsenal is not up to par - that my tools and my fight moves are exactly what is making my soldier want to keep me away.
i am thinking about the choice to fight alone. because it is a choice.
the terrain he is fighting is a hard one. its cliffs are rocky - its tunnels long. i worry that he sees the battlefield as much more bleak than it is...but i wait.
if i were a kid in residential treatment what would i do? i guarantee waiting would not be an option i would ponder for very long - but its getting hard to watch.
all of us as soldiers in our own fights are wounded ones (to various extents), but i guarantee the ones i watch at work fighting everyday - they would not watch they would act or run away because the act of watching would be too hard to bare.
for now i am watching...hoping for a sign to join the fight.
for my loyalty to the army of one....
friends in residential treatment are important commodities.
even if your plagued by complex mental health issues and have a hard time relating to anyone, and particularly -trusting anyone - due to the abundance of horrors that people have been inflicted upon u - friends are your life persevere. friends in residential treatment are loyal, they stand up for you (even when they know your wrong), they lie for you, they keep your secrets, they hide your drugs, they fight for you, they follow you into dangerous parts of the city, they will be your partner's in crime forsaking their own treatment goals and safety. above all else, they are loyal to you. loyalty is a big thing in residential treatment - in fact, in a place where things seem so lost, when it seems that your biological supports have left your behind in a place where you are considered 'the problem' - it may be the most important thing you can have.
if you know me. you know i love metaphor. and i often equate residential treatment to a war - a battle field where each soldier has a story of trauma, abuse, and maltreatment (stories that would often make you cringe with their horror). Now, each soldier keeps fighting - often to onlookers its amazing that they do (some have very obvious wounds - limbs and important internal organs broken and battered). no matter what the cost and how many times they are disappointed in the fight they keep at it. today, in a meeting i watched my soldiers fighting from a window (sometimes each other - sometimes the often confused onlookers and the rest of the military on site). i watched as they assembled themselves into an army to riot and overthrow who they saw as their captors all for the loyalty of one soldier. they fought and fought and fought...until one got taken away on a stretcher. later, when the other soldiers were asked why they had been fighting they simply stated "because he needed us to". no more complex. just that - because he needed them. thats lotalty.
now in my own life i think about friends i have, about loyalties for whom i would fight for in my own soldier way just because "they needed me to" no other explanation - no further commentary. i think that there are many - at least i like to think that way. perhaps, what is most important is that in residential treatment i never see, no matter how complex the mental health, no matter how traumatic the abuse, the stories of loss and feelings of loneliness and abandonment do i ever see a young person fighting alone. its almost a code of ethic - perhaps something that we are ingrained with - no one fights alone. it truly is an amazing thing to see - a group of teenagers who make up the margins of society but still live by the same rules of high school - never let someone fight it out alone.
in my life i fight all the time - its what im trained to do - i have my arsenal, i am armed and ready to use it when the need arises. i like being useful i am very loyal....
recently, however, i have found myself on the sidelines. not because of my own choosing but because i feel i have been asked to stand there. because i am loyal i am - standing. but it feels wrong - against nature if you will. i have been standing and watching my very special soldier in my own life fight a battle - an army of one. now mostly this battle is an inner one - but i am equipped to help with this battle - if only in mere cheerleading presence.
i am watching this soldier fight - mostly i am loyal and i would jump in at any moment (rip off the cheerleading outfit and grab my AK) to brave the odds. but i have been asked (in more ways than verbal) to simply watch and wait - no cheerleading - nothing. this hurts me. and i am trying to figure out why. i realize that i am not so self-important that this soldier NEEDS to have me help or that this soldier will not triumph on his own - but i am upset about the request to keep my tools away - to simply watch and wait. i wonder why i have been asked to watch - only watch only wait. i worry that my arsenal is not up to par - that my tools and my fight moves are exactly what is making my soldier want to keep me away.
i am thinking about the choice to fight alone. because it is a choice.
the terrain he is fighting is a hard one. its cliffs are rocky - its tunnels long. i worry that he sees the battlefield as much more bleak than it is...but i wait.
if i were a kid in residential treatment what would i do? i guarantee waiting would not be an option i would ponder for very long - but its getting hard to watch.
all of us as soldiers in our own fights are wounded ones (to various extents), but i guarantee the ones i watch at work fighting everyday - they would not watch they would act or run away because the act of watching would be too hard to bare.
for now i am watching...hoping for a sign to join the fight.
for my loyalty to the army of one....
posted by blogging it out at 7:30 PM
2 Comments:
I think that sometimes waiting is an important part of the battle - being prepared, ever-prepared, on guard, on the sidelines for that precise moment when you're needed to fight, asked to join in. It keeps you ready to rumble. And makes the one-man-army aware that you're there - poised and ready - and that you've got his back whenever it's needed...
Sometimes, just knowing that reinforcements are available is enough to maintain morale. You could be doing more than you know.
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